Meet the (Dysfunctional) Team

You think your workplace is bad? Meet the crew behind Hate My Coworkers—proof that chaos runs every office. These are the ‘professionals’ making sure you have a place to vent (when they’re not ignoring their own jobs).

👑 Chad McPowerTrip
Senior VP of Vague Emails

💼Expertise:Taking credit for your work, delegating tasks without details, scheduling meetings that could be emails.

📌 Bio:

Chad is the kind of manager who somehow earns six figures despite having no measurable skills. He lives by corporate buzzwords like ‘Let’s circle back,’ ‘I’ll sync with the team,’ and ‘Moving forward, let’s optimize this process.’ He has never used Excel but insists on getting weekly spreadsheet reports. Loves power moves like scheduling meetings at 4:55 PM and CC’ing the entire company for no reason.

🔥 Fun Facts:

✔ Calls himself a “thought leader” on LinkedIn.

✔ Once gave himself an Employee of the Month award.

✔ Thinks Slack statuses are performance metrics.

📢 Karen O’Policies
HR Manager Who Pretends to Care

📋 Expertise: Ignoring complaints, enforcing policies no one asked for, pretending PTO requests are under review.

📌 Bio:

Karen is here to ensure that the workplace is a ‘safe space’—for upper management. If you file a complaint, she’ll tell you she’s ‘looking into it’ and then immediately forward it to Chad. She thrives on enforcing dress codes and making ‘mandatory fun’ team-building events. If you’ve ever had a PTO request denied ‘due to business needs,’ Karen was behind it.”

🔥 Fun Facts:

✔ Uses “We’re like a family here” before layoffs.

✔ Has ‘Open Door Policy’ but never actually in office.

✔ Most common Slack message: ' Hey! Quick chat?’

🤡 Steve NoShow
Master of Looking Busy

🖥️ Expertise:Attending meetings without contributing, disappearing during crunch time, always “wrapping up” tasks.

📌 Bio:

Steve has somehow survived every round of layoffs without anyone knowing what he actually does. He responds ‘Sounds good!’ in Slack but never follows through. You’ll find him clicking furiously whenever the boss walks by. He keeps multiple spreadsheets open at all times, just in case. Steve hasn’t met a deadline he couldn’t reschedule.

🔥 Fun Facts:

✔ “On it!” means he forgot what you asked him to do.

✔ Once muted himself in a Zoom meeting and never unmuted again.

✔ “Busy” Slack status = napping.

☕ Linda Last-Straw
Burned-Out Employee Who’s Had Enough

😩 Expertise: Sighing loudly, sending passive-aggressive emails, daydreaming about quitting.

📌 Bio:

Linda checked out mentally in 2019 but is still physically present. She’s mastered the art of looking engaged while doing absolutely nothing. Her keyboard noises are just random typing to seem productive. She glares at anyone who dares schedule a Monday morning meeting. Every email from Linda starts with ‘Per my last email…’

🔥 Fun Facts:

✔ Only survives on caffeine and spite.

✔ Uses PTO just to take naps at home.

✔ Might snap if asked to join one more meeting.

Think You’d Fit Right In?

Do you identify with Chad, Karen, Steve, or Linda? Are you currently in a workplace disaster? You’re in the right place. Join the ranting revolution and submit your own workplace horror story.