There’s a guy on my team who treats his desk plant like it’s a beloved family member. He waters it on a strict schedule, talks to it during his breaks, and last week, I caught him showing it a YouTube video on “plant growth music.” He even named it—Gerald. Every morning, we get an update on Gerald’s well-being. “Gerald had a rough night,” he’ll say, as if we’re all supposed to be emotionally invested in this fern’s mental health. Honestly, at this point, Gerald’s the only coworker I actually want to hear from.