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The Road To Hell

I hate so many things about my job that I’m not even sure where to begin. I am a female in a management position, with experience, and make significantly less than male coworkers in similar positions. Such is the world. What really gets to me is that a coworker was asked to leave and I was given her job in addition to my job, with almost no increase in pay. Then, a male assistant with no experience in my field was hired for me and I had to teach him literally everything, over and over and over again. He could not do anything without direct supervision. The kicker? They hired him at pennies less than what they are paying me. I am constantly asked to go above and beyond because I have shown myself capable. I am now performing both jobs and half of another coworker’s job, as she has proven herself incompetent. I am barely making enough to survive, but at least I can write some of it off because I am gaining valuable experience that could launch me into a higher position with another company in the future. On top of all of this, I hate my coworkers. Like, I genuinely dislike every single one of them on a core level. They are not only not good people, some of them are actively bad people entirely devoid of any moral code. They are the shadiest of the shady and the trashiest of the trashy. Most of them are also incredibly stupid and incapable of doing their jobs properly. I feel like I’m in charge of a daycare for juvenile delinquents, wiping asses and snotty noses all day long. I can’t count the fires I put out in even one day. I’ve been here 5 years now and I’ve learned to play the game, so I feign interest and act as if I care. I know a lot about their lives, I ask questions, I offer platitudes. I have even gone so far as to socialize with them outside of work, which is a big ask of someone whose skin crawls at the sight of their coworkers. In reality, I daydream about setting the building on fire with them all inside. Would I actually do that? No, but fantasizing about their collective demise does bring me some small comfort…and that scares me. I’ve been here so long now, though, that some of my carefully crafted walls are crumbling. I find myself snapping at coworkers and ranting to myself or anyone that will listen really. I am now part of the problem. I’ve allowed myself to become part of this toxic environment. I’ve had to start anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medication because of this place. Still, because it’s who I am, I’ve felt some sort of twisted sense of loyalty or commitment to this place and the backward thinking unprofessional morons that congregate here day after day. I honestly think it’s just because I’ve worked so hard and put so much of my time and energy into this place. I am currently looking for employment elsewhere. Fingers crossed that I find other employment before I lose my shit more than I already have. I can’t afford to snap and tell them all what I actually think of them. I cannot wait to leave this pit of despair and its soul-sucking minions behind.

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