*This post is brought to you by K.D.*
This is a NOT commmentary about your work ethic (which incidentally also stinks); YOU LITERALLY SMELL BAD! Every morning when I hear the beep of your car locks in the parking lot I cringe; for I know in a short moment the office will be bombarded with the reeking stench of MOTHBALLS. Ever heard of LAUNDRY?? WHO EVEN USES MOTHBALLS ANYMORE ANYWAY? Do you not smell yourself? How could you NOT? I mean, the way it concentrates in the ladies room when you spend 20 minutes at a time in there is so powerfully eye-watering and choking, I have a real hard time accepting that you are completely unaware of it!! Then to add insult to injury, there’s your fishy-fish fish sauce lunch fragrance that can only be compared to low tide in the dead heat of summer or STD-induced crotch rot. The fragrance ASSAULTED me. That’s why I totally hid your scissors by kicking them under a table last week. You reek and make me want to puke! Don’t be surprised when you receive a gross of those pine tree air fresheners should I ever draw your name for our office holiday gift exchange. MAYBE THEN YOU’D GET THE HINT.