My Fat Ass Boss,
I can’t understand why you feel the need to yell into the phone. I think even a deaf person could hear you talking. I’m seriously contemplating wearing some kind of ear plug; maybe that will allow my hearing to come back. Instead of using the phone, why don’t you stick your head out the window and talk…I’m sure the person you’re talking to will still be abe to hear you, even though you’re 6 states away. There’s not much I’d love more than to kick you right in your fat ass while you’re hanging out the window.
Also, go to the bathroom and blow your f’n nose. The effort you exert trying to breathe through that thing is going to give you a heart attack. On second thought, nevermind. Keep trying.
I hate you. I hope you get never-ending, explosive diarrhea.
Your Least Favorite Employee